Motivation Monday Link Up

I was all ready to write another "wah wah I suck at life" post today when I spotted this link up from the girls at CeCe Is Me and Daily Dose of Del Signore. These two ladies have amazing stories and super blogs! Lucky for me, I logged on today to find them hosting a Motivation Monday Link Up. They're turning my day around with this idea. Now instead of moping around, I'm going to MAKE the time to do something about it. No more complaining without offering a solution!! EVER.

So I'm supposed to add my best motivating tip, advice, recipe...anything that will help a fellow dieter/healthy lifestyler also get moving on this lovely Monday. Even though I'm feeling less-than credible this AM, I'll play!


My tip is to track your food. It's less about counting, and more about accountability. Yes, being aware of your calories is huge. Yes, thinking about the content of each bite that passes your lips is a big deal. But gaining an awareness of your bad habits is probably the most critical lesson you learn through tracking. It helps you become aware of when you tend to eat poorly, what triggers your binges and what foods push you off the wagon. You also learn from your reaction to tracking.

How? Well, at some point, you're going to get that "I don't want to track this snack/drink/cheating bite" feeling. When you feel that - it means you're cheating yourself.If you don't want to track it, you shouldn't be eating it. Just because you didn't track it doesn't mean it didn't happen. If you ate it, your body still processed it, your system absorbed it, your ass will show it.

Did I Leave My Mojo on That Wagon?

I fell off the wagon this weekend. Not too terribly bad, but there were adult beverages, tacos, and a food truck involved. So, well, maybe it was bad.

The worst part? I feel like I left my mojo on that wagon. And it totally drove off without me.

I haven't stepped on the scale yet to see the damage. I'm just not in the mood to answer to that number right now. Plus I'm trying not to let that number make or break my confidence.

I should have a degree in paperback nutritional studies

My momentum is slagging today, and I wish I was on a mission to reclaim it. I kind of am, but apathy is winning. I broke out some old favorite diet books to hopefully inspire me. They inspired a few pictures, but nothing yet. There are a couple that will get a good flip through today though - particularly The Eat Clean diet. I'm getting a good dose of fitspiration on Instagram these days too. I love me some transformation Tuesday pics.

The splurging isn't the only thing that's throwing me off. I started physical therapy for my knees last week. Which means I'm in the "worse before it gets better" zone. Last week at this time, I was a woman on a mission. I was pushing myself hard despite my doctor telling me to back off the high impact stuff. I guess I was getting my last kicks in before PT. I even waited a full week to schedule my first appointment. I got a nice run/walk/fun-in-the-park day in, a Stroller Strides class, and a few JMBR sessions knocked out.

But then I had my PT appointment last Thursday. If you've never had to experience it, the first session is a big game of "Does it hurt when I do this?" and it sucks. You leave sore and questioning if it was a good idea to seek medical intervention in the first place. The therapist is always nice, but you kind of hate them for poking you and testing the limits of the area that already hurts the most.

Help me, Tosca!

So I left my appointment with a little paper of an evolved Ikea guy doing some knee exercises. I'm supposed to do 3 sets of 6 different moves 2-3 times a day. It' takes around 15 minutes to go through them all (plus a couple planks and sit ups...I'm already on the floor, why not?), so it's not that big of a deal...but 3 times a day?! Yikes. I'm going to need some vacation days to get this all done.

These moves are designed to strengthen the little muscles that hold my kneecap in place. Right now, my kneecap is rubbing against my bone (yeah, gross) instead of floating merrily because these little muscles aren't built up. Apparently that's what 9 months as a giant pregnant woman and a year of eating take out will do to your legs. The exercises seem innocuous enough: leg lifts, side leg lifts, leg extensions (all unweighted, mind you). Really basic stuff.

Really basic stuff that is kicking my ass. er. knees. whatever.

I am shocked...SHOCKED...at how weak my legs are. Even though I've been keeping up with Jillian Micheals, my first rounds of home workouts have been torture. I work to failure every time. Without weights. Yes, without weights. I can't even believe it. It takes starting at zero to a whole new level.

Plus now I'm sore. Which seems impossible. It's a hit to my confidence. Even though it really shouldn't be. I know my knees need rehab. I know it will get me in shape to get in better shape. I know it's something I HAVE to do. But for some reason, it's totally putting me into the dumps.

I'm sure I'll get over it. But for now, this body frustration/betrayal is making me focus on food. I've not been very clean with my eating. I'm trying out a new tracker and hopefully it will give me the wake up call I apparently STILL haven't answered (even though they keep calling and calling).

So off I go to hit the books! Any great books that have really spoken to you?

Progress, Hope, and Healing

Progress update! It's finally spring...and I love love love this time of year. It is the season of hope and possibility. It hangs in the air as a warmth right below the chill. It bursts from the trees as cheerful flowers and expectant green buds. Every time I open the door to a bright spring day, I can't help but smile and stand a little taller. Every day feels like it could be the best day.

I'm healing emotionally - I've faced down the 1 year anniversary of my father's death. I'm making big strides in getting over the trauma of Baby Drama's medical drama. Even though I still feel like I'm going to get hit by a car if my day is too good, I'm making progress.  I have so very much to be thankful for right now and in the immediate future that I'm tired of shedding tears over the past. So now it's all about moving on, and moving on strong.
(and apparently with lots of italics for emphasis!)

I'm sticking with Jillian Michaels Body Revolution, and I'm loving it. While I'm not sticking to the schedule 100%, I'm am dedicated to the program. I'm on week 5 (but have been doing it for about 6 weeks...delays. And I'm OK with it) which means I'm officially in Phase 2. It's more intense, but nothing the program doesn't prep you for. The Weeks 5/6 workouts are super hard in the moment. I've had to stop to let my arms/legs/booty/ stop shaking or to catch my breath. But before the cool down is even over, endorphins kick in and you think "that was IT? pfshhh". And you feel strong, powerful, and ass-kicking...until you're about to hit play the next day. That fear kicks in. But it's sooo good.

Boo-Yah!!! I'll  get a real #flexbreak someday

My April weight loss was just below my 5 pound standard. But I hit somewhere around 4 pounds. Better yet, my pants are literally falling off my ass. I even have to return some brand new pants because they're not going to fit next week...if I stay on track, of course. I should probably do some measurements, but it ends up being another thing to obsess over. I'm already play that terrible "how 'bout now?" game with the scale too much.

can't pick up toys...knees hurt too much

My knees are threatening to throw me off course. After a couple of good running experiences, my knees were screaming. I went to see an orthopedist to get some help. My primary care doc sounded super concerned when she heard the jiffy pop sound my knees make (even in perfect squat form), so my imagination was running wild. I half expected him to say "you're gonna need a knee replacement" with a pity shake of his head - which I would read to mean "You're hauling too much heft on those hinges. This could've been prevented if you had just put down the fork"

Good thing none of that happened.

Basically, nothing is too wrong. Some early symptoms of arthritis (the snap-crackle-pop) but no physical evidence. The muscles around my knees are struggling though, and that makes for some painful runs. He said to lay off the high impact stuff, and hit the recumbent bike instead of running for a couple months. I got sentenced to some physical therapy. Which is no big deal to me. I'm still planning to continue JMBR, but  with some lower impact modifications. I have been on a run since then, and it was an amazing experience (post coming on that soon...it's an emotional one for me to write). I'm finding the Ice + Advil makes a big difference so far. But PT starts TODAY!

I'm looking forward to getting myself fixed up so I can keep working on being the strongest/healthiest/fittest/foxiest lady I can be.

Are you?

I Celebrated with Food, and That Was Wrong

It's been a tough few weeks for me emotionally. Last week was the anniversary of my Dad's death, my wedding anniversary, and the first time we left Baby Drama for a night. We went to Cape May NJ for one night. It was nice to get away and have some time alone. But it was kind of anxiety-ridden too. We managed to have a nice time. Since it was a Monday night, and an off-season one at that, we had the island to ourselves. We stayed at Congress Hall - a grand old hotel updated for the times. It was exactly our style. We LOVE the feel of these kinds of hotels. Historic and old, but updated to posh and comfortable levels.

I tried to ditch my typical head-to-toe black wardrobe. Since I haven't been working full time in marketing close to NYC (our uniform? All black, funky glasses, iphone glued firmly to hand) I've been trying to wear more color. I may have accidentally taken it too far. Must practice more I guess. I totally matched the room decor. It was embarrassing.

1 Day in Cape May NJ. When you go on an off-season weeknight, you get the best room in the house! I inadvertently dressed to match the decor. For a girl who wears all black almost exclusively, this was a strange occurrence indeed

Plus, I only brought clothes in shades of teal. I love teal, but I think I over did it. Should've went with coral nails at least, don't ya think?

Anyway, this whole month has been a rollercoaster. I'm so grateful to have the best husband around. Mr. Drama has been super supportive and patient on so many levels. He's given me plenty of pulling-the-covers-over-my-head time. But also has kicked my ass into eating well and working out. I feel like he has a secret schedule in mind, and he knows when to indulge me and when to say "get outta here! You're not getting a keg cup full of ice cream" (that was at Costco, btw. My argument that it's actually frozen yogurt didn't fly).

Thanks to him and the continual pre-recorded ass-kicking I get from Jillian Michaels every day, I was feeling and looking pretty good. I got my toes all prettied up for summer, broke out a new pair of sandals, and was enjoying my flattening tummy so much I snapped some pics. 

I'm so happy I could eat a pizza. Wait, what?

Even though Mr. Drama is taking me to task, I still managed to fling myself off the wagon. I was really happy with my progress. I took some progress pictures* too, and can see differences. My pants are sliding down my ass on the regular, and I feel (felt?) great.
*yes, I'm too wussy to share those right now. maybe in a few weeks you can see how gross I was.

I was feeling SO good, I wanted to celebrate. In hindsight, maybe I wasn't feeling so great due to all the other emo drama. Regardless of the motivation, my action was to celebrate with food.

WTF, self? Didn't you just go MONTHS convincing yourself that this kind of activity is massively counter productive?

Anyway. I indulged in buffalo wing pizza. Yep. Two terrible foods combined to make one deliciously diet-bustingly-evil dinner. Then popcorn. Enough salt and butter to make my rings tight the next day. SHAMEFUL.

One bright spot? I didn't devour the entire bowl of popcorn. In fact, I barely finished half. Still sounds shameful, but it's a BIG non-scale victory for me. For awhile there I was drowning my sorrows in buttery deliciousness 2-4 times a WEEK.So it could be worse.

This is a sign that I'm changing. My new habits are slowly but surely setting themselves into place. I felt like I was forcing the popcorn-fest because that's what I do. But my body disagreed with my head this time. It didn't want all that popcorn moving back in.  Happiness doesn't come from food right now. My body has changed the locks.

Yes, popcorn, I think we're breaking up. I mean, we'll have some fun now and then...a few movies, maybe we can watch the Breaking Bad premiere together (when it finally comes back). But these booty-fattening-calls are stopping here.

The food-based celebrations and pity parties are stopping too. Walking the empty streets of Cape May with my husband, even if for a short time, was a good enough celebration for me. Sure, we ate (and drank...) but being together was more fulfilling than any meal.

I realize that if I want to have more and more fulfilling moments with the ones I love most, my health has to be a priority. So I acknowledge and accept that I was wrong to stuff my face full of feelings. And now I'm moving on...

Sick & Social (aka Follow Me)

I'm still sick, so I have little to blog about today. I have a major sinus infection and the antibiotics are wiping me out. My sense of taste is 50% back, smell is at about 30% (avoid Afrin if you can!). Both Baby Drama and Doggy Drama are sick of me leaning in and huffing them to test my sniffer - I miss their smells so much!  So today I'm working from the couch, spending time reading blogs, attempting to avoid shopping online, and doing some Diet Drama housekeeping...er...shameless plugging.

Follow Along as I Stumble Along....
I'm a media addict. There. I said it. That means I'm on most of the social sites. I'm finally set up as Diet Drama on most places (not as my personal account...trust me, you'd be overloaded on Baby Drama pics quick-quick). Any other places I *should* be? Leave me a note in the comments!

Diet Drama on Facebook
Like me! Like me! I promo my new posts here, as well as other fun stuff that doesn't make it to the blog.

 

Diet Drama on Instagram
I finally just started a second account for Diet Drama. So you'll be spared 5,000 pictures of my baby and dog with cool filters. I will not stop posting pictures of my food porn (you'll just get an earlier look at some recipes I'm working on)

Diet Drama on Pinterest
Obsessed with Pinterest. If you're not familiar, get on it! It's so simple I can't believe no one thought of it sooner. The basic premise: Like it? Keep it for later.  Share it. Create a vision board of your tastes. I pin food, food, clothes, shoes, food....ya know, the same thing everyone else pins.

Diet Drama on Bloglovin'

I heart Bloglovin' lately. I finally embraced it as my main blog aggregate so I never miss a post from my faves. Should I follow you? Leave me a comment and I will!

Diet Drama on Twitter
Yep - still on Twitter. It's not my main social squeeze, but I can't find it in my heart to break up with it. There are some amazing people on there. Are you one? Tell me in the comments!

Vote for Diet Drama on Top Mommy Blogs
Diet Drama is currently #12 for Health & Fitness blogs. Just click this baby once (or the one on the right side) and help me get up there! You'll find some ah.maze.ing. blogs and writers through this site too!

Repairs Needed

After my terribly amazing run the other day, my whole body started to break down.

Alright that's slightly an exaggeration. ONLY SLIGHTLY!

Those napkins might be environmentally friendly, but they are NOT kind to your nose.

I finished up that run feeling like a rock star. I felt like I was on the edge of a huge opportunity to finally kick this whole constant weight battle. My run went really great (despite being extremely embarrassing, ya know, jiggle-wise). I felt strong, capable, and ready for more. I did a Couch to 5K session, and it was no huge deal. My time with Jillian Michaels is paying off - my endurance was better, and I'm in better shape overall.

But the next morning was a wake up call (again - these seem to be happening a lot lately). My knees were SCREAMING. I've always had bad knees. I've been landing in physical therapy since I was 13 and the intense physical strain of girl's town league basketball started taking it's toll. Maybe it was the universe telling me to stick with tap dancing?

My knees have been protesting through my Jillian Michaels work outs, but it's been more of a general whine. It had been getting quieter too! I keep telling myself "the lighter I get, the better my knees will feel." About 25 pounds ago, I had a set number on the scale. I knew if I had slipped over if my knees started hurting going up the stairs to my office. Again, that was 25 pounds ago. Now my knees sound like rollerskates on gravel every time I bend. I've been super crazy careful with my form on the JMBR sessions. Even when getting up off the floor. Knees over ankles! It helps. In fact, form makes all the difference.

But the pounding on the pavement did my poor knees in apparently. I'm heading to the doctor's in about an hour to get them checked out. I'm putting Ms Michaels on hold until I find out what is going on. Hopefully I can be back at it tonight!

While at the doctor, I also have to get my head examined. I have the cold from hell - or allergies? Or sinus infection? I have no idea, but it sucks. And it has sucked for the last 3 weeks. I can't breathe, my head hurts so bad even my cheekbones and teeth hurt. My only relief has been nose sprays...but as of yesterday, I can't smell. At all. I had a PB&J for dinner last night (lazy meets sick for supper) and realized there was something missing. Like the smell of peanuts.

Without a sense of smell, nothing tastes right. Or at all.
Peanut butter? Might as well be paste.
Coffee? Only hot bitter water.
Apple? Wet Styrofoam. 

The worst is missing the other little smells. My clean baby. My dog's breath. The wet ground on this rainy spring day. The moisturizer that takes me back to my Jamaica vacation every time I use it. I'm a big sensory memory person, so I'm feeling a little lost without the smells in my life. I even miss poopy diaper stink!

Luckily, texture alone does not make for satisfying meals. This may actually help the ol' weight-loss. I went all of last night satisfied by the PB&J. I had planned to have some garlicy cheese and crackers too, but garlic is useless without a nose. I had a date with a Weight Watchers ice cream bar, but creamy without delicious is boring. It's just cold goop.

It's making me realize how so much of my eating is just for fun. I'm well aware that I'm an emotional eater, but apparently I'm more of a recreational eater. I have to reconsider my priorities. I mean, a night out to dinner is fun. No doubt. But is take out really that satifying? Can't I just be happy with the movie or DVR'ed TV shows without the sushi or tacos? Shouldn't that be enough entertainment?!

Run, Fat Girl, Run

I've been really enjoying Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. As suspected, Weeks 3 & 4 are much different, much tougher, but doable (see my weeks 1 & 2 review). It all builds on the muscles you worked on the week before. The moves are more complex and intense so far, so your body doesn't just get used to the workout. Your constantly being challenged. At one point, she says something to the effect of "just try it once" and that's been my motto. It's so easy to take one look at a move and just write it off with a "yeah, right" and sit with your water bottle while you watch even the beautiful people in the workout video struggle.

But I'm not doing this to watch. I'm doing it to watch myself shrink!

So I try once, and miraculously - I can do one. Then two.

This program is expertly planned out so nothing is beyond the progress you've made so far. And by the time you've mastered a circuit - it's gone and something new is cooked up to challenge your body. I'm really loving it.

But I'm not crazy about the cardio portion. I actually pulled my ham string doing suicides ("my hammy!") in an early week. Yup - not only do I not love it, I kind of fear it. So I've been subbing in my own cardio, and even tacking some on to the "lifting" days. This week I'm experimenting with running. Yesterday I went for a kind-of run after my Jillian sesh. I took the dog with me, and that was my first mistake. Not only does she lack the focus to run, but she's a little out of shape. She wasn't designed for endurance. She's built for speed over short distances...followed immediately by a nap.

Today, I was hell bent on getting to my favorite park to start Couch to 5k program...again. Why again? Well, I've got an actual 5k to run at the end of May. I won't complete the whole program by then, but I'm determined to run almost the whole thing.

WHYYYY are other people heerrreee?

The whole city, however, was also interested in enjoying the beautiful weather at this same park. I'm not sure why this fact didn't occur to me. Nor did the fact that I left the house at rush hour, in a city most people commute out of at 5, to go to a park clear across town. It took forever to get to the park, we went late, and it was crowded. I was stressed when I got there for sure.

And now I had an audience for my run. Great.

But I was going to get this workout in, even if it meant running my chunky ass in front of all these people. I figured if I could get through this, I will never have an excuse to not run. I don't have to explain myself to these people!

So I ran.

I tried to ignore everything that was humiliating me. My body is so un-toned that I feel every loose bit shake with every stride. The flab on my arms, the tub on my thighs, the extra gloop on my tummy from Baby Drama, the junk in (and around) my trunk. I'm sure it looks like there's an earthquake, but the epicenter is directly under each footstep I land.

Worse still? I can see it all shake in my shadow. There I am, a long, dark, jiggly figure, cast on the pavement by the late afternoon sun, mingling with the shadows of high school kids with fast metabolisms, young professionals in their just-purchased-for-today-because-I-don't-workout-ever yoga pants, and other moms with seemingly non-existent problem areas. 

Cheering me on! BD loves going FAST

But could it possibly get any worse? Of course!

As I'm silently panicking about the whole 'lotta shakin' goin' on, I realize it's time to retire the workout pants I'm wearing. The elastic is clearly shot, and every time I start or stop running, they sneak down a little further, intent on revealing the crack of my ass to the crowd.

So there I am: flopping through the park, weaving in and out of leisurely walkers, real runners, and families with young kids. One hand on the stroller, one hand occasionally reaching to yank up my pants. I couldn't help but think of all the "Dear Fat Girl" posts I've read over the years (seriously - google "dear fat girl"). I know I was that fat girl today. I wasn't about to give up, or give anyone the satisfaction of my failure.

The important part is that I did it. And I did it well. I'm in better shape (endurance-wise) than I thought. The minute intervals were no problem. I even overran a little (ya know, until my draws insisted on me stopping). Baby Drama even got a little bit of stroller free time, but not too much since the park is still undergoing repairs from Hurricane Sandy.

Park still being fixed up for spring. Thanks Sandy.

A few minutes of freedom for Baby Drama

 My whole plan to feed baby drama at home crumbled, so I had to plan to meet the hubs after he got off the train at a super casual (aka will-not-judge-my-sweaty-ass) restaurant. We ended up at a burger place that serves organic meat and is a little more uppity/gourmet about the food. I got a great salad, hubs got a burger, Baby Drama threw 1/2 of her food on the floor (per usual).  We got her home and to bed much much too late. It ended up being a debacle, but it was still a win in my book.

Dinner with Daddy

 Sweaty Sneaks VS NYC Finery