I've been eating so much better. And I'm proud of that.
But I slacked last weekend. No...I celebrated. And I had a lot to celebrate.
It is a major milestone, and I deserved the cupcakes that are now sitting on my waistline. The last year have completely changed my life. In so very many ways. Everyone gets a huge priority shift when you have kids. You realize the things that were important before, are much less critical. Situations that would've ruined your week are reduced to speed bumps. You become less selfish, you realize there's more to life....blahblahbla...I could post a thousand pinterest-friendly graphics and needlepoint pillows that say the same thing.
So my little girl was getting a firehouse to her heart every beat. This was also among other possible abnormalities. The doctors weren't sure how long she could put up with it. I spent the rest of my pregnancy getting weekly checks on her heart. Seeing if I'd stay pregnant another week. Once we hit 30 weeks, I went twice a week. Seeing if I'd stay pregnant another few days. I was told it would be amazing if we got to 30 weeks. We got to 37.
A month before she arrived, they put me in the hospital for 3 days to start heart medication for the baby's heart. When the adult cardiologist came to answer any questions, I asked how often he saw mothers being put on heart meds for their unborn children. He said "Almost never." It shook me because I was in a very busy, prominent, worst-cases-go-there, we've-seen-it-all New York City hospital.
When baby drama arrived, wish I could say it got easier, but it didn't. Pulmonary issues, weight gain issues, feeding issues, head size issues...things were crazy. I tried to write about it, but this is getting emotionally exhausting.
The end result of all this drama and trauma? A happy, healthy, hilarious baby girl who loves music, cheese, and going fast on sleds or baby cars. I'm so blessed and lucky that it brings me to tears some days.
Is this maybe the most drawn out excuse for eating cupcakes ever? Maybe.
This is just something I felt like I needed to share. I had a tough year, and I'm wearing it on my body. The events of this year literally changed my life. Not just in the way a baby can. But in a fundamental way. I've changed the way I approach my day-to-day. My work-life is unrecognizable (in a good way), and I'm getting used to that. My attitude continues to evolve and get healthier. I'm more aware of the fragility of life, and that helps me truly savor some of those little moments I would just slide through. It also makes me more aware of what I'm putting into my body. Not just how much food, but the right ones. I had some moments of clarity recently, and it's making all the difference.
I'm making progress and am working on making myself the healthiest Mom I can be. I'll never forget how I'm not just doing it for me. I'm doing it for her.
I look to her for inspiration too. Because of what she's been through. She has no idea how tough she really is. She's truly a miracle. And I'd be a fool to not be able to keep up with her every precious move.